Before You Get Married Counseling Tips

Up to the Minute with Pastor Maggie Campbell:  TOPIC: Be careful what you do to get a person to marry you.  

Marriage Counseling 101 – 2 Rule is::: What ever you did to get this man or woman, you will have to continue to do it to keep them.  This is very good advice.

If you entered into a relationship with a person who is already married, this is wrong on many level. It is a sin and you should be ashamed because you are helping to bring a marriage to an end that may never have ended, had you not gotten involved with this married person.

A married man or woman is not your soul mate. They are not available to anyone because they are married, even there marriage is not going well.  If a married person approaches you and attempts a relationship with you, you should run like a bat out of hell. What goes around, comes around. When it comes back around it is usually visited worse upon you then what you visited upon the spouse of the married person –  that you are alienating from the affections of their spouse. You are stealing their affections in hopes that this person will divorce their spouse and marry you. You are being cruel, rude, and disrespectful to point of being gullible. You believe the married person when they say that they will leave their spouse and marry you? Maybe they will, but they are likely to do the same or worse to you as they have no integrity and can not be trusted with your heart. Many just want your affections. When you have sexual relations with a married person freely, you are not only alienating their spouse, you are disrespecting yourself and sinning before God.

There are times when the married person have left their spouse and then marry the person they were cheating on rare occasions. But that is when the tip above comes in to play.  All of the kinky things you did, the sneaking around, the sexual relations you provide at that person’s beck and call and all of the other unethical and cruel things you did to steal them away from their spouse, you have to keep doing this to keep them.  Why? Because a cheater is always a cheater.. At some point, they will meet someone else while they are married to you and begin cheating on you.

Sometimes, the person has gotten their cheating ways out of their system, but because they cheated with you and did things they should not have done including leaving their spouse for you; you will be tormented with the thoughts that someday they will do this to you. This will then steal your joy. Never allow anyone to steal your joy.

Before you marry someone, you have to get to know them as well as possible. Never marry someone immediately after you met then in weeks. This is a huge mistake and you have no idea what to expect. Celebrities do this all the time and their marriage ends as quickly as they begin as often times they are based only on sex and other wrong things like the promise of a career of a starring role in a movie, money etc…

Date the person. It’s fun. Do not accepting a marriage proposal, but you date them only first. This means, you go to fun attractions in town, visit with each others family, go to movies, talk, talk, and talk to them, and meet their friends. Find out their medical history, do they have mental issues in their family, diabetes, do they have addictions including drink heavily, drugs user or smoke cigarettes or weed or are addicted to watching porn? Do they have heart disease or other medical problems. Do they have bad credit, a criminal history or a bad temper. Are they a Christian, Catholic, have Jewish beliefs or no beliefs whosoever? You need to know many things before you make a commitment, especially if you plan to have children.

Dating does not mean that you have sex with a person of whom you are not married to.

• Many Christians are taught not to have sex before marriage. If you are a person who wishes to go forward with sex during the dating phase, it can only be protected sex and with birth control. Otherwise you and this person is living dangerously and putting each other at risk. You are strangers to each other.
• You are dating to get to know each other before you allow a stranger to enter your body as a woman or if you are a man, before you put yourself inside a woman. You don’t know what’s in there or who was inside before you. One night of pleasure can bring you a lifetime of pain and torment.
• Never have sex with someone of whom you are not willing to spend the rest of your life with before the sex. Because if the female get’s pregnant, you are spending at least 18 years of your life with her to raise that child pay child support for the child.
• Condoms break and women sometimes forget to take the pill which is not 100% protection.  BUT, once you begin having sex with this person, before you marry them, especially if it is kinky and alternative sex, they will expect you to continue to do this once you are married. If they are a cheater, they will simply seek this alternative lifestyle with someone else who is willing to give them the alternative sex they crave.

Ask the right questions while you are dating. Look at their driver’s license, check their age, ask about past dates, lovers, spouses and friends. If they don’t want to talk about these things while you are dating, then they will not talk about these things when you are married. Instead, it will become a fight and a thorn between your marriage, as you will feel that they are keeping secrets. Dating is the time to get the answers to all possible secrets so that you can make a true informed decision and not be tricked into marriage or feel that you are tricked. Marriage is suppose to last – until death.

After you have been dating for a while and one of you feel that you want to take this to the next step and propose marriage, ok. Now the digging into their background gets more serious. Run a background check and learn about they way they spend their money which will become joint money when you are married. This is the same things employers do before they hire you. See if they have a criminal record, bad credit, or if they have a job or a true career on the move.  Do a prenup if you have money and belongings that are to be kept in your family or dealt with in a special way in the event you divorce.

If during the dating and engagement phase, your partner beats you, shoves you and/or abuses you. Go ahead and accept their apology and forgive them, but do not stay in the relationship. Leave immediately and do not look back no matter how much you love them as beating will become your norm. Cry if you must or pace a hole in your carpet, but do not go back to the abuser.

If a person hassles you or try and make you feel bad for asking probing questions and looking into their background, do not take things to the next level. Walk away now. Do not go to your pastor, friends or parents for advice. Instead, seek the advisement of a licensed Marriage, Family Therapist and seek premarital counseling. This way you can open up and speak freely and keep your personal business private from your family and friends.

Not all Pastors are counselors. Some like myself are trained and educated to provide these services. It is safe to discuss such matters with Pastors who have the education and licenses as a counselor and marriage family therapist. Ask the right questions. Don’t assume anything. Do not follow the advice of your friend.

Another minute gone forever. How did you spend it? ~ Maggie Campbell, Pastor – Revised 1/17/2021